Chaston is one of my classmates. He has always been extremely nice to me, and I have always liked him because of that. A little while ago was his birthday. He celebrated tonight. I was invited to the party but debated for days as to weather or not I was going to go. You see, the majority of the time I feel like I don't fit in with my classmates. Maybe it is because I am so overweight, and that makes me really insecure when I shouldn't be, but I digress. I feel that everyone has their clicks, and all the cool kids hang out and do stuff, and then there is me. Don't get me wrong, I have made some really awesome friends, but I frequently feel left out. Admittedly, It may be partially my fault. I am sure I have been invited to other events, but either decided not to go, or really couldn't go. Who keeps inviting the person who never shows up. A perfect example, I was invited to Virginia's birthday party last night but didn't go because I was studying.
Well tonight was different. I didn't know a LOT of people there, but I still had a great time. I talked, I danced, I played flip cup with people I thought REALLY didn't like me (which I am totally amazing at btw), and It was nice.
I talked to several people who told me it was nice to finally see me out, Becca I never go out with anyone. I met some of my upper-classmates, and continued talking to one of the few upper class-men that I already knew.
Then Chaston came up to me and hugged me. He told me how much he appreciated me and all the things I do at school. Later I talked to Thanh, who essentially told me the same thing. This was the highlight of my night. Forget that, the highlight of my week, month even. It is so nice to feel appreciated and cared about. And it means so much more when it is completely random, and from people you don't expect to hear things like that from. It couldn't have come at a better time. As you may know, recently I have been feeling unappreciated, sad, lonely and generally not good. But this opened my eyes to how good the people in my class really are.
This has all made me realize, I can't kill off my social life to try to make good grades. Developing relationships with the people in my class (well people in general) is essential to living a fulfilled life. I can't put 100% of my focus into making straight A's because I am jeopardizing experiences I may have to interact with some really awesome people. That being said, I will try harder to come out more often and hang out with you guys. Thanks for all the invites I didn't take you up on, and thank you for the future invites I WILL be there for.
Thanks Chaston, Thanh, William, Andrea, and everyone else for a wonderful night and making me feel important.
In completely unrelated news:
the guy who called me a whore for having my profile picture feature a (black) guy, started texting me again today and had the audacity to ask me to send him a picture. I literally can not believe that he would even begin to think that I would EVER want to speak to him. He must think I am some kind of desperate, which I assure you I am not. I am amazed at people sometimes.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Pharmacy Administration Test This Morning - I Feel Like Crying
Soooo... We had the Pharmacy Administration test this morning and I feel awful. So bad indeed that I feel like crying.
As I have mentioned earlier, I am under a tremendous amount of stress recently. This stress compounded with an untreated anxiety disorder (which has previously been managed by appropriate stress relieving techniques) has made it very difficult to sleep, and this lack of sleep seems to be causing a mild depression.
That being said, I studied for this test, admittedly not quite as hard as I would have liked due to time constraints, pretty thoroughly and completely. I spent all of my free time this week going over the materials, again, again, and again.
So this morning I arrive for the test with a little over an hour to study. I proceeded to look over everything one more time. I feel prepared yet nervous. I really want to do well, so I am worried about my test performance.
We get the test. I fill out my scantron carefully "bubbling" in my name and ID number. I open the test to the first page... "ok these aren't too bad" I think to myself as I read each question, ponder the answer and mark it on my sheet. Then we get to page 2. THE HORROR!!!! These questions I remember looking at the material, and can recall some basic information, such as the difference between a balance sheet and an income statement. However, I cannot recall enough information to recall the correct answer to questions such as "which of the following is found on a balance sheet?" "which are components of the expanded accounting equation?" Now I am getting frustrated. I know I studied this! Why can't I remember?! I circled every question on that page, signifying that even though I put an answer that was my best guess, it was that, a GUESS. I continued on circling many more questions. Then I get to the last 3 questions. The home stretch. I am almost DONE! Alas, they are calculations, and I can't remember a single calculation that I need to answer the question. so i proceed to guess at the equations and put various numbers in my calculator to try to arrive at the answer. Nothing is working. after several minutes I give up. I then proceed to do something I haven't done since high school: CHRISTMAS TREE. yes folks, I had so little clue as to how to arrive at the correct answer, I randomly picked answers and wrote them down.
There is no way I am making an A on this test. This stinks because I need straight A's this semester to raise my GPA. I need a higher GPA so when I go to get a residency, I will be competitive, and may just get a spot.
I am going to listen to this lecture on molecular signaling, then eat an omelet at Ihop, go home, cry, and study for the next nest next week. Today, I am frustrated with my life.
As I have mentioned earlier, I am under a tremendous amount of stress recently. This stress compounded with an untreated anxiety disorder (which has previously been managed by appropriate stress relieving techniques) has made it very difficult to sleep, and this lack of sleep seems to be causing a mild depression.
That being said, I studied for this test, admittedly not quite as hard as I would have liked due to time constraints, pretty thoroughly and completely. I spent all of my free time this week going over the materials, again, again, and again.
So this morning I arrive for the test with a little over an hour to study. I proceeded to look over everything one more time. I feel prepared yet nervous. I really want to do well, so I am worried about my test performance.
We get the test. I fill out my scantron carefully "bubbling" in my name and ID number. I open the test to the first page... "ok these aren't too bad" I think to myself as I read each question, ponder the answer and mark it on my sheet. Then we get to page 2. THE HORROR!!!! These questions I remember looking at the material, and can recall some basic information, such as the difference between a balance sheet and an income statement. However, I cannot recall enough information to recall the correct answer to questions such as "which of the following is found on a balance sheet?" "which are components of the expanded accounting equation?" Now I am getting frustrated. I know I studied this! Why can't I remember?! I circled every question on that page, signifying that even though I put an answer that was my best guess, it was that, a GUESS. I continued on circling many more questions. Then I get to the last 3 questions. The home stretch. I am almost DONE! Alas, they are calculations, and I can't remember a single calculation that I need to answer the question. so i proceed to guess at the equations and put various numbers in my calculator to try to arrive at the answer. Nothing is working. after several minutes I give up. I then proceed to do something I haven't done since high school: CHRISTMAS TREE. yes folks, I had so little clue as to how to arrive at the correct answer, I randomly picked answers and wrote them down.
There is no way I am making an A on this test. This stinks because I need straight A's this semester to raise my GPA. I need a higher GPA so when I go to get a residency, I will be competitive, and may just get a spot.
I am going to listen to this lecture on molecular signaling, then eat an omelet at Ihop, go home, cry, and study for the next nest next week. Today, I am frustrated with my life.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Notes of a Stressed Out yet Awesome Pharmacy Student
Hello All!
My name is Allyson and I am currently a P1 (for those not familiar with the pharmacy school process, a P1 is a first year pharmacy student studying for their Doctor of Pharmacy Degree, or PharmD) at the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine - GA Campus. We are currently in our 3rd and final semester of the first year.
I have created this blog to keep track of my life and all the shenanigans that go along with it, while I am in Pharmacy school.
Here It Goes
The first semester of the year I did not do amazing. I made two C's which made me very upset. I have been told time and time again to make straight A's in the first year, because you need the room for bad grades in the second year which is supposed to be the hardest. So of course this had me worried and incredibly nervous about my future, as well as doubting my capabilities and wither or not I belonged in pharmacy school at all.
However, I met some wonderful people in my first year. First there is my pharmacy school besties Kevin, and Dina. There is then my whole crew Ryan, Jamarcus, Steve, Ashley, and Laurel. Of course this is not an all inclusive list. There have been many people who have been so wonderful to me. I wish I had more time to spend with and get to know these people. There are far too many to list but they are also awesome. I mean lets be serious, MOST of my class is AWESOME, with the exception of a select few.
Also, in the first semester I have established myself as the "helpful one" by posting the objectives for each lecture before the test.
During finals week in the first semester tragedy struck. In the middle of finals week I ended up in the hospital and learned I had to have surgery. I decided to put the surgery off for 2 weeks, and finish my finals like a champ.
In the second semester I started off pretty weak. I missed 10 days of class due to my unexpected surgery, and had a hard time catching up. Because of this I failed the 2 tests I missed (because of the surgery) because I couldn't study enough for them. My classmates (specifically April, Andrea, and Harrison) were really welcoming when I came back. Harrison and Andrea even bought me a charm for my Pharmacy Pandora charm bracelet! I felt very loved and appreciated. In the end, I was able to bring my grades up and finished out the semester with straight B's. This was great, yet not quite where I wanted.
Currently we are about 4 weeks into our 3rd semester. I am starting out strong with 2 A's on the 2 tests we have had so far. I have a test on Friday for my Pharmacy Administration. This class is basically how to run a pharmacy from the business side. The class is very valuable and I understand it's importance, yet I am incredibly stressed about this topic. For some reason I am having a great deal of difficulty grasping the whole running a business thing. I am also stressed because I know I need to to really well this semester as well in all the following semesters so I can get a residency when I graduate, so I can possibly specialize and work in a hospital. Also, I spent my "spring break" (a 4 day weekend, which I had to work 2 days of) studying for my OTC class because I thought that was the next test. It turns out that the next test is actually Physiology and Pathophysiology II, In which the topic is neuroscience. I haven't even started studying for that and have zero understanding of the topic. This is all compounded on my personal stress. I have to work, to pay off my credit cards, so I can apply for the loan I need to go to school next year, yet I need time off of work to study and do well in my classes. How the heck do I balance that. In addition my grandma (MaMaw) is turning 90 this month and somehow I have to come up with the money to go to Indiana to see her. She isn't doing well and they are likely going to put her in a nursing home. Realistically, this may be the last chance I have to see her alive.
In addition to that there is my messed up love life. The guy I have been off and on with for years recently told me he decided years ago that we were just friends and that is all he has seen me as for years. Well it would have been nice to know that, before I made years worth of bad decisions! oh well. So I am moving on from that. So far I have met a guy who just wanted me to blow him and couldn't understand why I was incredibly offended at the request. I have also met a guy who accused me of being a lady of less than awesome moral standards to put it nicely... all because he saw a picture of me and a guy (my bff for life!) on my facebook page.
Needless to say I am not dealing with my stress well at this point. I am considering talking to someone to get advice on how to better manage my life.
Well that is all for now.
Stay Healthy Loves!
My name is Allyson and I am currently a P1 (for those not familiar with the pharmacy school process, a P1 is a first year pharmacy student studying for their Doctor of Pharmacy Degree, or PharmD) at the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine - GA Campus. We are currently in our 3rd and final semester of the first year.
I have created this blog to keep track of my life and all the shenanigans that go along with it, while I am in Pharmacy school.
Here It Goes
The first semester of the year I did not do amazing. I made two C's which made me very upset. I have been told time and time again to make straight A's in the first year, because you need the room for bad grades in the second year which is supposed to be the hardest. So of course this had me worried and incredibly nervous about my future, as well as doubting my capabilities and wither or not I belonged in pharmacy school at all.
However, I met some wonderful people in my first year. First there is my pharmacy school besties Kevin, and Dina. There is then my whole crew Ryan, Jamarcus, Steve, Ashley, and Laurel. Of course this is not an all inclusive list. There have been many people who have been so wonderful to me. I wish I had more time to spend with and get to know these people. There are far too many to list but they are also awesome. I mean lets be serious, MOST of my class is AWESOME, with the exception of a select few.
Also, in the first semester I have established myself as the "helpful one" by posting the objectives for each lecture before the test.
During finals week in the first semester tragedy struck. In the middle of finals week I ended up in the hospital and learned I had to have surgery. I decided to put the surgery off for 2 weeks, and finish my finals like a champ.
In the second semester I started off pretty weak. I missed 10 days of class due to my unexpected surgery, and had a hard time catching up. Because of this I failed the 2 tests I missed (because of the surgery) because I couldn't study enough for them. My classmates (specifically April, Andrea, and Harrison) were really welcoming when I came back. Harrison and Andrea even bought me a charm for my Pharmacy Pandora charm bracelet! I felt very loved and appreciated. In the end, I was able to bring my grades up and finished out the semester with straight B's. This was great, yet not quite where I wanted.
Currently we are about 4 weeks into our 3rd semester. I am starting out strong with 2 A's on the 2 tests we have had so far. I have a test on Friday for my Pharmacy Administration. This class is basically how to run a pharmacy from the business side. The class is very valuable and I understand it's importance, yet I am incredibly stressed about this topic. For some reason I am having a great deal of difficulty grasping the whole running a business thing. I am also stressed because I know I need to to really well this semester as well in all the following semesters so I can get a residency when I graduate, so I can possibly specialize and work in a hospital. Also, I spent my "spring break" (a 4 day weekend, which I had to work 2 days of) studying for my OTC class because I thought that was the next test. It turns out that the next test is actually Physiology and Pathophysiology II, In which the topic is neuroscience. I haven't even started studying for that and have zero understanding of the topic. This is all compounded on my personal stress. I have to work, to pay off my credit cards, so I can apply for the loan I need to go to school next year, yet I need time off of work to study and do well in my classes. How the heck do I balance that. In addition my grandma (MaMaw) is turning 90 this month and somehow I have to come up with the money to go to Indiana to see her. She isn't doing well and they are likely going to put her in a nursing home. Realistically, this may be the last chance I have to see her alive.
In addition to that there is my messed up love life. The guy I have been off and on with for years recently told me he decided years ago that we were just friends and that is all he has seen me as for years. Well it would have been nice to know that, before I made years worth of bad decisions! oh well. So I am moving on from that. So far I have met a guy who just wanted me to blow him and couldn't understand why I was incredibly offended at the request. I have also met a guy who accused me of being a lady of less than awesome moral standards to put it nicely... all because he saw a picture of me and a guy (my bff for life!) on my facebook page.
Needless to say I am not dealing with my stress well at this point. I am considering talking to someone to get advice on how to better manage my life.
Well that is all for now.
Stay Healthy Loves!
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