An Update On The Fall Semester of My P2 Year.... Good or Bad?

So I started out this semester pretty crippling.  I missed most of my classes only the third week in, because I started throwing up blood (I am totally fine now, thank goodness).  I spent most of that week in and out of my surgeons office (because it was a complication of the surgery I had last year in November) and at home. I went out of town that following weekend (side note: I went to my first dragon con ever and it was SO fun, even though I wasn't 100% healthy)

So because of all of this shenanigans I missed a lot of materiel and fell behind. As any pharmacy student past or present knows, YOU DO NOT FALL BEHIND EVER IN YOUR SECOND YEAR!!!! I have been told time and time again that the second year of pharmacy school is essentially a lonely sleepless hell, and is the hardest year of school you will ever complete (as a PharmD that is)

The week I came back, I had my first test in Integrated Therapeutics I on a Thursday, followed by Immunology and Microbiology  on Tuesday. So I studied hard every day for my IT test, leaving immunology for the weekend. Well this all was a huge mistake.  I BARELY made a C on the IT test and I failed my Immunology test.  As pretentious as this sounds, I am not the kind of person who fails a test. 

So needless to say the professor from immunology made me come to his office and explain why I failed, and made me go over the previous test (that part I didn't mind). But then this professor proceeded to practally demand I miss other lectures (we have a mandatory attendance policy and these would be unexcused absences, and could effect my grades in those classes as well) to review objectives for the next test with them. When I responded I had lecture this professor's exact words were "You don't have my lecture." So now I am mad too because I think this person is a total jerk. Luckily I was able to join another student who was a friend of mine at a different time so I wouldn't have to miss class.

I made a B on my second Immunology test, and brought my grade up.  Currently it is no where where I wanted it to be but a C is guaranteed and a B is possible.

Integrated therapeutics is a whole other story.  I felt really confident before the test that I knew what I was doing, but during the test and after I was like wow, I may not know this stuff after all which totally sucked. Our grades haven't been released yet, but the class average was only a C so I don't have high hopes, which makes me really nervous.

I am kinda freaking out because there are all these programs, and scholarships and residencies that I want to apply for and I am REALLY worried my grades aren't nearly competitive enough. And I hate not feeling good enough which is smack dab in the middle of how I feel. This is awful for me because every mishap is devastating instead of just a simple ok do better next time.  I really have to work on my mood. recently it has not been good. It could be do to exhaustion because god am I tired.  I knew this wouldn't be easy but I feel like I am fighting a battle over here.

Well hopefully everything goes better than I forsee. Maybe I just need a better attitude :P

Stay Healthy Lovelies!

National Suicide Prevention Week - In Memory of My Father

I know I am a little late, as this holiday was yesterday, but this is a topic that is important to me. Being a survivor of suicide I feel the need to talk about this.

In 2010 the Nationwide number of suicides for that year was 38,364 or 105.1 suicides EVERY DAY.  That comes out to an average of 1 person every 13.7 minutes that took their own life. (reference http://www.suicidology.org/stats-and-tools/suicide-statistics)

This may be shocking to some people. Many people assume that suicide will never personally affect them, and it is something most people don’t think about. Many others believe people who are depressed, suicidal, or have committed suicide, are weak, insignificant, sinners, or even that they deserved that outcome in some way. Now, that may sound shocking, but those are all things I have personally witnessed people say.

This mindset offends me on so many levels. First, we don’t shame people for having cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, Lupus, or anything like that, even when some of those diseases can be prevented. So why do we shame people with mental health issues of which they equally can’t control. Second, people are generally ignorant of the subject and are quick to judge things they don’t really know about. Third, with all the shame surrounding these issues, it shuts down conversations so people struggling don’t seek the help they need for fear, embarrassment, or a variety of other reasons.  

Many people don’t understand the mindset of a person who is depressed or suicidal. I will try to give you a small insight into what that looks like (this will not pertain to everyone suffering with this illness, it is based off of experiences in my own life). Imagine waking up every morning thinking I wish I could just stay in bed. Facing the world today may just be more than I can handle. But you have things to do and a living to make and maybe even people depending on you. So you force yourself up and slap a smile on your face if it’s a good day, if it’s not a good day, you’re happy just not to be crying. You go through your day. If you’re lucky you only have good things happen to you. You may start to feel better.  Maybe I can make it through another day! But what if things don’t go well. What if something happens that threatens your livelihood, it doesn’t matter how big or small the event is. What if someone is “joking around” and tells you you’re worthless, or prods your insecurities. Well you already feel worthless. Now you “know” other people feel that way too. So what is your point in living? What good are you contributing to the world? What is your purpose? If you can’t find good answers to those questions you may consider ending your life, and therefore your suffering. How should I do it? Will one way hurt more than another? Where should I do it? Who will find me? Will finding me torment some innocent person? These questions and others begin to run through your head. If you are lucky you actually have people who care about you. You begin to think of them and how it will effect their lives if you are dead. This in its self can save some. Unless the misery becomes too much to bear. 

This scenario is just a basic scenario for a basic person suffering with mental illness.  Can you imagine if you had been abused, sexually assaulted, had a traumatic event, witnessed something traumatic, or had a generally sad life. This is the case with many people, and you add mental illness to the situation and you can see how bad that can be.

My father committed suicide 7/10/2009 making that one of the worst days of my entire life. In an attempt to make a long story short here is a summary of events: My dad had some awful things happen in his childhood causing him to turn to alcohol at the age of 15. He struggled with alcoholism for the rest of his life, with periods of sobriety in between. By the time I was about 4, 2 of his brothers had died as well as his father (my dad is the second child of 7).  Late in his life, he began getting sick. He had diabetes as well as several other genetic health conditions.  Just a few months before my dad died, He was told he would need a walker within months, and would be in a wheelchair before the end of the year. For a man who was only 54, and had always been athletic I can only imagine how difficult that would have been to hear.  A few days before his death, my dad went to a shooting range, drank, drove home, got into a car accident, and was arrested.  When he got out of jail, he grabbed his laptop and said he was going to work and none of us ever saw him alive again.  The day before we found him, my mother and I tried to find him. We went to all of his normal spots we knew of with no luck.  I talked to a friend that night and expressed my concern that I wouldn’t find my dad, but would find a body. Friday afternoon I discovered I was right. 

My mom called me, crying and screaming. I was the first person she called. I couldn’t understand a thing she was saying, but I knew what happened. I drove home as quickly as I possibly could. The speedometer on my car at the time only went up to 80, and I had it pushed past that.  I arrive at my house, but had to park down the street. There were police cars and medical examiners and detective cars lined up.  We were not allowed into the house or anywhere but the front yard where officers could watch us because our home was now a crime scene. As time goes on some family members arrived. I then discovered that a lot of the family didn’t know what had happened.  By this point I had my mom’s and my dad’s cell phones. People kept calling my mom, and I know she didn’t need to deal with that too, especially because she found the body, and in turn was being questioned to ensure she wasn’t responsible for my dad’s death. I then had to do one of the most horrifying things of my entire life.  I had to call my dad’s sister, from his cell phone, to let her know not only was her brother dead, but how he died.  I will never be able to forget the screams.  I also called my moms sister. I knew she would need support from her family as well.

Now you can imagine the scene, my whole family on our front lawn police cars up and down the street, friends, and church members coming to do… well I really don’t know their purpose. We were now the stage of the latest neighborhood drama. There was no escape as people from the neighborhood slowly circled our street, staring at us, judging us, getting entertainment out of our misery.  Then of course the strangers who thought that was the perfect time to introduce themselves to me.  I am directing people, trying to find a funeral home, trying to comfort my brothers. And these people I have never seen before roll up on my lawn offering handshakes with “oh HI! I’m an insensitive ass! I go to church with your mom! Nice to meet you! Oh, and sorry for your loss.” And I’m standing there doing all that I can to keep it together for my family because they need SOMEONE that can, someone they can lean on. My dad’s body is literally within eyesight, only yards away, and you think NOW is an appropriate time to make friends, and introduce yourself, or ask me to turn to god!?  My youngest brother was on a church trip and had no idea this was going on. So then it became a race against social media. I couldn’t let my baby brother find out that his dad just shot himself in the head via twitter, which would have happened because people started posting things. Luckily, someone got in contact with an adult on the bus and all the cell phones were confiscated so he could at least hear it from family when he got home the next day.

But that wasn’t even the hard part. The viewing wasn’t even the hard part. The funeral wasn’t even the hard part. The hard part is being the rock for your family to look to.  My mom found the body, my brothers are young. The youngest still in high school.  They needed me to be strong and wise. They still need me. But the HARDEST thing, the WORST thing? Knowing that someone you love, someone who gave you life, was so miserable, so sad, so beaten down, that the only choice left for them was to take their life, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t do anything. I just have to live with the fact that my dad was suicidal and I couldn’t save him.  My dad went through rehab when I was about 21, and I went to all the family sessions with him.  I wanted him to know I supported him.  He told me in session when I was born, I saved his life. I wondered and still do occasionally, “Why couldn’t I save his life again”

Suicide is important. Suicide is a Public Health issue. Suicide affects many more people than just the person who died. Suicide needs to be addressed and talked about. Most importantly, suicide is PREVENTABLE. We need to stop shaming people who have problems. We need to give support to those who need it. We need to stop bulling, prejudice, and hate.

Here are some resources:

http://www.allianceofhope.org/?gclid=CIbxuOy7w7kCFSdk7Aode0wAjQ

http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/SignsOfCrisis/Default.aspx?gclid=CIuXzva7w7kCFctr7AodJVMALg

http://bornthiswayfoundation.org/help?gclid=CLXf4f-7w7kCFatj7AodW38AkQ

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.save.org/

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

http://twloha.com/

Just as a side note it is NEVER acceptable, whether you believe it or not, to tell someone that a person you love is going to hell, or is in hell. That just makes you an awful person, with essentially no soul. Keep that shit to yourself.

In loving memory of my dad. Patrick William Anglin. That man was a freaking genius, and hilarious, and definitely made me the person I am, and I miss him constantly.  

 My dad at my brother Scott's graduation

My parents on their wedding day

Me and My dad when I was a baby

My dad and mom, Me, and my brother Sean

My dad and his 5 brothers, Gregory, Jeffery, Thomas, Matthew, and Daniel 

My dad in his favorite place (really nature of any kind) with his best friend Bruce

My Dad.

He had his problems, but he was a cool dude and you would have been lucky to know him.

Pharmaceutics Labs Over The Last 2 Weeks - Powders, Gels, and Eye Lubricants

 POWDERS

In lab this week we made three different powders, individually wrapped headache powders, an effervescent powder, and a calamine dusting powder

Headache powder

My ingredients for the powder

 

Me Mixing and breaking down the particles to a fine smooth consistency 

The measured out dose of the mixture

The next few pictures are of me packaging this powder

Effervescent Powder

The ingredients needed

Me mixing and breaking down the particles.  This powder must be passed through a #40 sieve.

The powder on the sieve

The powder after being sieved

Testing the powder after it is finished.  In theory the patient would add the powder to water and drink it. 

Dusting Powder

This powder contains calamine and is meant to be dusted on the skin to relieve itching and calm the skin.

The ingredients needed

Mixing and breaking down the powders to a uniform consistency via geometric dilution

The finished product in a dusting container

Gels and Eye lubricant

 Ingredients needed

Sifting the methylcellulose

weighing the sifted methylcellulose

The Weighed methylcellulose

Kevin stirring the Gel

Me stirring the Gel

Pictures of our gel

Pouring the gel in the RX bottle

Since this is the last REAL lab day I wanted to take some pictures of all of my work

The creams and a suppository open

Me and my babies.  I am so sad to see them go!

 

 

Getting ready to throw all of my hard work away

Apparently this is what my work is worth! Non-hazardous TRASH!

All in all I had a great time in lab this semester.  I made a lot of things, learned a lot of things, and laughed with friends.  I had some rough times but I adore getting hands on and making something.  I really found this lab enjoyable

Stay healthy Lovelies!

Physiology And Pathophysiology II and Neuroscience

Tomorrow I have a test in Phys and Patho II and it is all about neuroscience.  This is a particularly difficult topic and covers a wide range of materials. these materials include but are not limited to: vision and hearing, nociception, motor control, headache and migraine, Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease, stroke, seizure, epilepsy, stress, depression, and anxiety. and it is pretty in depth.  After taking the practice tests yesterday I am FREAKING OUT!! I don't feel like I know or understand all that I am supposed to. I studied for 12 hours last night and after I get out of lab today will study almost as long.  I just hope I can get it all shoved in my brain by 8am tomorrow haha.

It looks like I will for sure be moving into my cousin's townhouse.  Which is awesome, it is so close to campus, I can use the gym at school and cancel my LA fitness membership. (I have lost 50 pounds in the last 5 months, so I need to hit the gym hard to keep it up!!) I will have to have a roommate which makes me nervous. I have had the crazy roommate that had to be included in everything in my life, followed by the crazier roommate who pulled a gun on me and moved out without paying rent (causing me to later get evicted), followed by the guy who didn't like my friends so he got his mom to kick me out, (grow some balls guy, you could have just talked to me). Since then, I have lived alone until I moved in with my aunt when I got into pharmacy school. So having a roommate makes me nervous, which I think is justified. I am hoping that because we are all professionals it will work out fine.

I also met someone who was a manager of a pharmacy, and offered me a job! It is likely to pay more than my current job, and is a whole different environment. I will keep both jobs, because I have 10 years with kroger, and can't leave it behind just yet. I know I get so attached to things. But I am really looking forward to this learning oppertunity! I hope it all works out!

That is all for now
Stay healthy Lovelies!

Update On life as Pharmacy Student

Well I have gone to the doctor and got help in the form of a little yellow tablet. I take it at night to help me sleep, and my life has been so much smoother ever since! I am calm, I can focus on my studies, and I don't get distracted by fretting over how much I have to do.

Recently, the option has come up to co-own my cousin's townhouse, because she wants to move in with her boyfriend.  My Aunt is really happy about this because if I am making the mortgage payment then she doesn't have to. However, I cannot afford all the bills on my own, so I will need a roommate. Luckily the house is PERFECT for roommates. each bedroom has it's own full bath, a walk in closet, an extra closet, and is really spacious.  Oh and the house comes (to me) fully furnished, so I don't have to buy any of that.  This is such a great option for me financially, because I can pay off what is owed on the house within 6 months to a year after graduating, and then can focus all of my income into paying off my loans and be debt free in about 3 years. That is an amazing opportunity that I am so grateful for! I just hope my cousin doesn't change her mind about moving haha!

school is going well, so far I have 3 A's and 2 B's. I just took a test yesterday in Biopharmaceutics, that I felt good about before I went into it, but I feel like I failed.  We will see though. I tend to be hard on myself and be kind of a downer on myself when I am perfectly capable of being successful in meeting my goals.  I need to work on that.

I also on a whim decided to get my hair cut this wednesday.
before:

After:

In other news I have been having a lot of fun in pharmaceutics lab

SUSPENSIONS
Last week we made suspensions:

 These are the ingredients for the "white lotion" the yellow/orange stuff is sulfurated pothash. It stunk. It smelled strongly of sulfur. It reminded me of the water at Bonnaroo where we camped the last 2 years it was awful.

close up of my zinc

Close up of my pothash

My dissolved ingredients before mixing

My white lotion all finished and in a bottle!

my next suspension was an aspirin suspension. We had to open up the capsules we made to make the suspension. I felt like I was ruining my work! I am so glad I took pictures haha!

The next suspension was an aspirin suspension made from the tablets we made the previous week. Unfortunately we had to turn in our remaining tablets at the end of this lab :(

my tablets after being crushed up

My three suspensions from the side

My three suspensions from the front

SUPPOSITORIES
This week we made suppositories. I especially enjoyed this lab.

My ingredients for the 2 types of suppositories we made. The first is an aspirin in a Cocoa Butter base and the second is not medicated, and is just Peg.

We had to melt the cocoa butter in a water bath to be able to mix the aspirin and pour it into the mold. We also had to melt our PEG which is the white powder in the beakers in front. My suppository ingredients are the ones on the right.

 This is my melted cocoa butter. with the aspirin in it before pouring into the mold

My cocoa butter and aspirin suppositories in the mold

My aspirin and PEG suppositories in their molds next to each other.


Well that is all for now.
Stay healthy lovlies!